Wrestling with Doubt

Dear Constant Reader,

I like to show you how glamourous my life is — that I spend all my time lounging around in a Catherine D’Lish robe, sipping champagne, while I scrawl my deathless prose with a fountain pen and Albert sits politely by my feet. Sometimes that’s actually true. But sometimes I have days like yesterday.

I’m not sure what exactly set me off. It might have been yet another burlesquer posting that they were going to a festival from which I had received yet another rejection letter. Perhaps it was creating yet another reward post for a Patreon level that no one subscribes to. Perhaps it was something else. Whatever the final straw, I was feeling ignored, overlooked, and snubbed.

This feeling that I was unimportant in the burlesque world, preyed badly on my mind. I began doubting my talents as a performer and as a teacher. Why should I bother working to improve my game if I’m never going to get booked? if no one is going to read what I write? if no one is going to see my promo? Clearly I’m no good at this whole burlesque thing.

Despite this roiling self-doubt, I did what I always do, pushed through and kept working. I shot off a promo photo for our upcoming show to Instagram and realized after a while that I’d been shadowbanned. It was the proverbial last straw. I really was being ignored. I was unimportant. I was shouting into a void. I should just hang up my g-string.

Fortunately, I have a supportive partner and some really good friends who soothed my wounded ego and frustrated soul with kind words and practical suggestions. Today I’m back to work, writing, teaching, rehearsing, and planning.

Dear Reader, when that snake of self-doubt coils around your mind, just know you’re not alone.

M2These writings and other creative projects are supported by my Patrons. Thank you so much! To become a Patron, go to my Patreon page. Or you can just tip me if you liked this.

Published in: on 15 May 2019 at 4:08 pm  Comments (1)  

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One CommentLeave a comment

  1. Each of us can be our own worst enemy. I think you’re super.

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